A Personal Journey Through Japan Part 3: Toyooka
Returning to a rural town where I had the summer of a lifetime and learned more about myself than I bargained for.
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All things must come to an end and so does this column series chronicling a deeply personal journey I took throughout Japan in May 2024. The first part covered Yokosuka and the second was about Yamaguchi Prefecture. I certainly didn’t intend for these pieces to take as long as they did to come out, but other articles frequently got in the way and I had to deal with my old part-time job taking away so much time from writing.
One benefit to the delay is that it provided a greater amount of time for me to reflect upon everything I experienced on my trip. This final part covering Toyooka of Hyogo Prefecture arguably comes with the most emotional baggage and I wanted to give it the proper write-up it deserved. For three months in the summer of 2018, I lived here with my first serious girlfriend. It was a relationship that was doomed to fail, but my memories of staying in Toyooka are pleasant ones which have never left me. I had a lot to say and at over 7,000 words with more than 50 photographs included throughout, this ended up being the most ambitious entry of the column series.
Almost no foreigners have heard of Toyooka. Like my previous write-up about Ube in Yamaguchi Prefecture, it’s not really a place you go to unless you have a specific reason. The one exception is that it’s located adjacent to Kinosaki Onsen, which is one of the most famous hot springs in Japan. While I wanted to enjoy the onsen yet again, the main purpose of me returning to Toyooka in May 2024 was to remind myself of the unforgettable summer I had here.
This one is a bit different from the last two columns in that Toyooka itself really doesn’t have too much going with it apart from the nearby onsen. There are a few tourist attractions and I’ll provide some recommendations of where to go, but revisiting the town for the first time in six years was my own way of getting over the past. Those interested in a normal travelogue may be disappointed, but then again this is a personal journey through Japan after all. I also debated what details to include. I asked myself, “Does anyone really want to read about some guy’s failed first relationship?” and didn’t want to come across as if this was some horrible tragedy with all the teenage drama of a Tumblr post.
Still, I have touched upon the same subject in my piece about dating in Japan last year. Many foreign men moving to Japan make the mistake of getting too serious with the first Japanese woman who gives them attention. It’s worth knowing when the person you’re with isn’t right for you and when to cut your losses. Hopefully writing about some of what I went through will prove useful as many go into romantic relationships in Japan with naive expectations. I will refer to my ex-girlfriend only as “A” out of respect for her privacy, but I should also preface this by saying I hold no ill will toward her.
I’m a married man now with a life that is vastly different from the one I had in 2018 when I was just a 20-year-old college student. A is married too and we have both long moved on. Relationships that don’t work out are an inevitable part of the human experience and that holds true regardless of culture or country. A major theme throughout these columns has been me learning from the past, applying its lessons to the present, and moving on toward a better future. So join me as we reach the final stop of our voyage, a picturesque town in rural Japan called Toyooka.
The end and the beginning
“I could get used to this place,” I thought as I looked out the second-story window of A’s apartment in early April 2018. I arrived in Toyooka the previous evening with stormy weather having buffeted my voyage from Kobe. Because it was more or less pitch black when the JR train pulled into Toyooka Station, I wasn’t able to see much of my new surroundings until the next morning. The skies took on a gray hue and it was still quite cool outside, but the rain had at least stopped. Mountains seemed to dot the rural scenery wherever I looked and much of it reminded me of when I lived in Ube almost a year ago.
At this point, I was approaching the conclusion of my study abroad program in Kobe and trying to prepare for the next step — getting ready to leave. Anyone who has ever studied or worked in another country they’ve become attached to knows the feeling. You are so used to your exciting life abroad that returning to the hum-drum of whatever mundane place you left behind is like the melancholic end of an adventure. In my case, I was already aware of a realization that had long been etched into my heart: I did not want to leave Japan.
Going back to the United States to finish my fourth year of undergrad was non-negotiable. I had to graduate from university or else there would be no future for me. It was not a question of if, but a question of when I would leave Japan and I dreaded every day. After being unhappy in America for most of my teenage years, here I was, finally in a country where I felt completely at peace. I can now confidently say that my calling is in Japan because I’m married to a Japanese person and because I’ve built a budding career directly related to this part of the world, but back then I was a naive 20-year-old enjoying his salad days with far less things to worry about and far more spare time to do as I pleased.
I was also in love. Well, not really with another person, but with the idea of being in love. Living in a foreign country while having a “serious” romantic relationship? What person my age wouldn’t be attracted to that? It was the very idea of romance abroad itself out of an Ernest Hemingway or Graham Greene novel! During my initial stay in Japan I had met plenty of women through school events and exchanges. There were a few that I could have probably become more than friends with had I pursued them more, but by coincidence A became my girlfriend in late 2017 because we met on a language app, had a few dates, and later became official after spending Christmas Eve together — the most romantic day of the year in Japan.
We certainly had some good times together, but it’s pretty clear now with the luxury of hindsight and experience that it was not a good match. We had very little in common and even less to really talk about. I often wonder how we even stayed a couple for over a year when our lack of compatibility was so apparent. Part of it was of course my own inexperience and immaturity, but an even bigger issue was that we were at different stages of our respective lives. I was still a student while A was a couple of years older than me and about to take on a job as a primary schoolteacher in the countryside. That was how I ended up in Toyooka, looking outside her apartment window on that gray day in April 2018.
A was very busy at that time, but she put aside a Saturday to show me around. One of Toyooka’s more famous attractions is Izushi Castle Town, a recreation of the area during the days of the samurai with rustic buildings, bridges overlooking koi fish ponds, red torri gates, and what is believe to be the oldest Japanese-style clock tower in the world. The local speciality is sara soba, thin buckwheat noodles traditionally served as a course of five small plates. Even now I can still remember enjoying that lunch, taking in the lovely scenery, and later being driven to a park on the way back to see sakura starting to bloom.
While taking in all this beautiful scenery, it really dawned on me that within little over a month’s time I would have to say goodbye to A and pack my bags to go back to Pittsburgh. Even then I was already planning on returning to Japan for graduate school, but that would still mean our relationship would turn into a long-distance one for up to 18 months. Were we actually “serious” enough to last for such an extended period of time? This is a turning point many international couples in Japan inevitably reach and if you don’t have your long-term future sorted, you should pretty much consider your time together over.
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